


blood drowning in alcohol

by brokenglass



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-20
Updated: 2012-11-20
Packaged: 2017-11-19 03:43:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/568707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenglass/pseuds/brokenglass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>being in love with liam payne is all to much for zayn malik, and destroying himself is the only way he can cope. </p>
<p>"and i'll fight my corner, maybe tonight i'll call you, when my blood is drowning in alcohol"</p>
            </blockquote>





	blood drowning in alcohol

**Author's Note:**

> so this was just a small drabble i did based on the song give me love by ed sheeran.

zayn doesn’t quite feel like going out and getting drunk, feels more like staying in and getting drunk. so when the boys ask, he refuses. 

“don’t feel like it. go ahead without me” he says, they shrug and leave his room. all but liam. he sits down on the corner of zayn’s bed, the one where zayn’s lying with his back towards liam. zayn can feel his eyes on his bare back, the wave of insecurity pools over and around him, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. 

“what’s wrong zee?” liam’s soft voice is almost enough to reduce zayn to tears, knowing that he’s never going to be able to tell his best friend exactly how he feels. not going to be able to tell him why he doesn’t feel like going out with the boy he loves and said boys girlfriend.

“nothing li. just got a headache, that’s all” zayn mumbles, a tear dropping onto his cheek from his lashes.

“you want me to stay with you?” liam asks. he wants to. wants to stay and listen to zayn’s breathing as they watch toy story for the thousandth time, but he knows the boys will need someone to look after them, seeing as he chooses not to drink. he’s designated to look after them, make sure they come to no harm. not that paul or preston would let that happen anyway, but it gives liam piece of mind.

“no, you go out with the boys. im fine. honestly” liam doesn’t say anything, just gives zayn’s leg a reassuring pat and leaves zayn’s room. zayn waits. waits for the sounds of the boys spilling out of the complex and onto the streets. waits for the sounds of a car engine to ignite and then trundle down the road. he waits until all he can hear is the loud, thumping silence in his ears. 

he’d been ok for the most part of the day, but it was when he overheard liam talking to niall about how he loved ‘them’ so very much, how ‘they’ made him so happy. danielle. he couldn’t hate her. she was too nice to hate. but it cut zayn’s heart to pieces knowing she had the one thing that zayn wanted in this world. 

he let his body lie still for some time. didn’t know how long it felt, he just lay there. seeing the bottle of vodka in the carrier bag across the room returned the feeling in his legs. almost willing him to get up and get the bottle. so he does. he pulls the bottle of alcohol from the flimsy blue bag and trots over to the bathroom, he locks the door and pulls down his joggers, leaving him standing in his boxers on the cold, bathroom tiles. 

zayn climbs into the bathtub and lets the water run around him. he unscrews the cap on the bottle and takes large, heavy sips. almost feels relief as the liquid burns down his throat. it somehow mixes with the tears that fall from his cheeks onto his lips. 

he cries. 

he drinks. 

he thinks. 

‘you’ll never be good enough for liam!’ his mind screams, causing him to take larger swigs from the bottle. 

‘he’ll never love someone as pathetic as you! look at you, you’re a mess!’ it screams again. 

zayn’s lost all feeling, the alcohols turning his mind into a fuzzy, incoherent mess of words and sounds that scream at him but they don’t make sense. nothing makes sense anymore. seeing the disposable razor on the side snaps something in his mind. can feel it dragging across his skin, releasing his sins. the sin of loving so much to the point of no return. zayn reaches over and if he was sober he’d be shocked at how easily he took the razor apart, exposing the blade. 

taking another sip from the bottle he brings it down onto his wrist, he feels the skin open and the blood trickles down, a satisfying feeling washes over him as he draws patterns on his wrist. when he’s content he chucks the blade into the water, starring down at his wrist.

‘that’s it. that’s how pathetic you are’ his mind screams, shouts at him. he pours the left over spirit onto his wrist, hisses as he watches the vodka was away the blood. 

he lays in the bath, letting the water around him go cold, sobering up enough to eradicate any evidence of what he did. throws his soaked boxers into the laundry and pulls dry ones on again. discards the empty vodka bottle back into the plastic bag and swills the bath around, getting rid of any blood. pulls on his joggers again and a sweatshirt to cover up his wrists and curls himself into bed, letting the alcohol pull his eye lids down. 

liam creeps into his and zayn’s room little after two in the morning, trying not to wake him. there’s an eerie smell of alcohol mixed with something else that liam can’t think of at this time in the morning. he slides into zayn’s bed instead of his own and gently wraps his arms around him. 

he’s decided now, thanks to niall, that he’s going to tell him just how he feels, and only hopes he will feel the same. 

liam nuzzle’s into zayn’s neck, and whispers ‘i love you’ before letting his eyelids flutter shut, a warmth around him, he’s finally going to tell him. 

‘and i’ll fight my corner, maybe tonight i’ll call ya, when my blood is drowning in alcohol’


End file.
